Dear Martha, WTF?

At a time when loneliness and grief plagued me, I became friends with a beautiful pine tree I named Martha. Opening my eyes to the lessons of Mother Nature, she helped me find the strength and courage I needed to ground myself. I asked her often, Martha, WTF? For many reasons “Martha, WTF? Why do you undress when it gets cold outside?” or “Martha, WTF? Why do bad things happen to good people?”

Over the years would walk observing Mother Nature and then sit with Martha. I spoke as she listened and then I listened as she remained quiet. It was there in her silence that I found many clarity and learned to root myself. By rooting myself, I mean becoming grounded. Being grounded does not mean you are enlightened or happy or at peace but it certainly offers one the foundation to become all those things. Being grounded offers a sense of self confident, anxiety softens as you need not tell everyone everything and search for acceptance and approval. Being grounded is essential for self-love.

Every Thursday, I will answer questions utilizing the lessons I learned from Martha and Mother Nature. For my first blog I will answer the questions I asked Martha above.

Week 2:

Question one from Elizabeth in Redmond, CA

Dear Martha, WTF? I am twenty-eight years old, single and happily living with my two dogs in Northern California. Recently, I traveled back home to attend a cousin’s wedding shower. I was so excited to see my aunts and cousins yet left feeling judged and not wanting to return for the wedding. Apparently, not everyone agrees with my decision to move away from the family and end a two-year relationship I found toxic. Is it wrong of me to make up an excuse and not go to the wedding?

Dear Elizabeth,

Attending the wedding needs to be your choice but give it some thought first because weddings can be a lot of fun.

We all tend to be sensitive, sometimes too sensitive to family comments and judgements. Many times they are just yapping away and not even hearing themselves, we perceive them to be throwing an iron ball of disapproval at us while in their thoughts they are just tossing a nerf ball of unthought out thoughts.

In the case that they are purposely being judgmental let that be their issue. The way we choose to see others is also the way we see ourselves and perceive others to see us. Therefore, if we are harshly judging other people we will also be judging ourselves harshly and we will perceive others to be judging us in the same manner. That does not sound like a fun way to perceive the world to me.

Years ago when I was writing Wishes I wrote this:

“We must look to the only one who has had experiences like us, who understands our thoughts and sees our dreams. We must trust this person to give an honest assessment and not shield us from truths nor judge us unfairly. Today I wish for you to trust her for only she knows your entire story. I wish for you to know yourself, love yourself, and most important—respect yourself.”

When you fully accept this, it is easier to let the judgement of others come and go. It will always be there, that we cannot change. However, the attention we give it is up to us.

Question Two: Jane writes, Dear Martha, WTF? I want to know if in the year to come everything will be alright for my family.

Dear Jane,

Your question is valid and one I expect many wish they had the answers to for their family. After experiencing repeated tragedies, I was full of anxiety, afraid tragedy would strike my family again. It was no way to live. This is when I met Martha. I knew I could not control everything in my future, but I never wanted to go down that far again, I wanted to be stronger, better prepared so I worked hard on rooting myself and getting grounded. By doing so, I was able to eliminate a great majority of the daily anxiety I experienced and show up in life as my best self. I now feel better equipped to handle what comes my way. Getting grounded in our own strength takes time and effort. Below are a few helpful tips that helped me.

1) Self-reflection: Really take a good hard look at what you may be doing and thinking that blocks you from being your strongest self. What insecurities block you?

2) Witnessing and stopping negative self-talk: A lot of the time we do not even realize how much we negative talk to ourselves. Focus on your first thought of the morning. Is it regret over something from the day before? As you get ready for the day, dress and do your morning routine, what are your thoughts towards yourself? Take notice all day long. The first step is catching it, the second is changing it.

3) Quiet down, stop running your thoughts and problems: This is huge! Everyone out there has an opinion and when we have to check in with all our friends or even two of them it becomes difficult. Social media also plays a big part in this. Just try for one week not sharing any thought or conflict you may have, don’t worry about telling someone how you cheated on your diet or how you yelled at your kids, just work it out in your own mind and experience the feeling at the end of the week.

4) Nature: Get outside and sit with it. Leave your cell phone at home!

Thank you - Tricia

Dear Martha, WTF? - My first blog